


Black Sun

by maria_senpai



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Depression, Fluff and Angst, I hate myself, M/M, Suicide, Sunshine - Freeform, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:21:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25080805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maria_senpai/pseuds/maria_senpai
Summary: **TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!** Contains mentions suicidal tendencies and depression.Where Hinata's light isn't as bright as it usually it.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Kageyama Tobio/Hinata Shoyo
Kudos: 57





	Black Sun

**Author's Note:**

> **TRIGGER WARNING**  
> Mentions suicide and depression

Who would have thought that Kageyama Tobio would have ended up sprinting away from his team, who called after him, for 6 kilometers all for one person? He surely didn't think he would have done this, but he did and he knew why. Even with his legs about to give up, his legs burning and his head aching, he didn't stop and he wouldn't stop until he reached his destination. It all started with one person, Hinata Shouyou.

Hinata Shouyou was the most energestic ball of sunshine that Kageyama Tobio had ever met, in fact he despised him with they first met on the court back in middle school. He hated the way Hinata went practically pissing himself by the bathroom, to standing up for his sorry excuse of a team, to challenging Kageyama before the game had even begun. Even when they lost the first set and getting creamed in the second, Hinata's spirit wasn't going away.

"We haven't lost yet." Those words echoed in Kageyama's head until the game fininshed. They were practically 2 points away from winning and his spirit still wasn't crushed. Kageyama couldn't understand it, anyone would have given up halfway through the game, but for some reason Hinata didn't even after they lost and that's what made Kageyama hate him. The fact that he told Kageyama that he would beat him and be the last one on the court even after losing 2-0 just didn't sit right. Nobody can be that happy and Kageyama thought that would be the last time he would have to deal with Hinata Shouyou for a while, but boy was he wrong.

The moment Hinata walked into the gym surprising Kageyama and making the ball fall on his head was irritating in itself but having the shrimp yell in face was a step further in the wrong direction but the ginger didn't stop there, he kept going and challenged him on everything. They got kicked out of the club until they won the 3 on 3 and even after they were accepted, the fighting didn't stop. Everything became a challenge, from tying their shoes to who could get changed the fastest and nobody knows how it happened but in only a few short weeks, Kageyama Tobio and Hinata Shouyou were inseperable. Though they still bickered and argued, it never got serious, only once had that happened after a one week training camp. Fists were thrown and words were said that shouldn't have, who knows what would have happened if Tanaka-kun hadn't showed up. But even that didn't deteriorate the ginger's spirit. He was still the ball of engery and sunlight that had helped the team grow, despite the duo not talking for 3 weeks. He was the reason the team was always in high spirits and why they were determined to improve their own skills.

"Bakayama throw me another toss!" Hinata would smile at him after the incident.

His smiled flashed in Kageyama's eyes and he squinted it away as he kept running. His lungs continued burning, his muscles continued to ache and his head continued to feel dizzy but he kept going. He was almost there and with that in mind he pushed his legs to go faster at the same time sifting through his memories to look for a sign or anything to show why this may have happened to his best friend, his partner, his other half.

"Yamayama let's go get meat buns!" His smile burned brightly at him making his lips turn up a bit. He caught himself before the shorter one noticed and went back to a scowl.

"Whatever," the taller one mumbled. He was smiling on the inside, as much as he would hate for Hinata to find out, he enjoyed spending time with him. He enjoyed the warmth that his small partner gave off, the happiness that seeped out of him. He was literally the sun that gave everyone life and warmth so he didn't understand how this could be happening to his best friend.

He should have known something was wrong when he didn't see Hinata in class Monday morning, but he just assumed that he was running late. Then again at lunch, but maybe the shrimp woke up late and decided not to come to school and he would surely show up to practice because there was nothing that could keep Hinata away from volleyball. The duo lived and breathed the sport. They always practiced more than anyone else, always discussing new moves and techniques, albiet the shorter of the two barely knew about technique but he was happy to learn even when Kageyama chatised him.

When he didn't see Hinata in the club room or in the gym he'd assumed that maybe he was grounded for not going to school but planning to go to practice. He never would have imagined that this would have been the reason his partner didn't show up all day. He should have known something was up, but he made up excuses and for that he was blaming himself.

How was this happening? They had just exchanged texts the night prior. He flashbacked to last night, trying to see if anything had given away of what was to come.

**_Boke:_ ** _Are you ready to get schooled tmrw bakageyama? xD_

**_Yamayama:_ ** _In your dreams boke!_

That happened in the afternoon, and that was pretty much the way the entire conversation went. They talked about their days and what they had done. Hinata had mentioned that his family had gone into town to visit his sister's friend but he stayed behind to practice alone which wasn't unusual. The only thing that had seemed unusual was the last part of the conversation which happened around 7 that night.

_**Boke:** Do you want to come over and practice with me?_

**_Yamayama:_ ** _By the time i get there it'll be really late_

**_Boke:_ ** _pls? you can sleep over_

**_Yamayama:_ ** _i can't i have homework boke_

**_Yamayama:_ ** _did you do yours yet?_

**_Boke:_ ** _ahh no i'll just do it tmrw morning i always wake up early anyways_

**_Boke:_ ** _i'm going to sleep, im pretty tired_

**_Yamayama:_ ** _youre tired and you wanted me to come over and practice?_

**_Boke:_ ** _i knw haha cx see u tmrw goodnight_

And that's how that conversation had pretty much gone. Now that he thought about it, it was way to early for Hinata to go to sleep. Hinata never goes to sleep that early and that should have tipped him off that something was wrong but he was too focused on his homework to notice. _Stupid Tobio._ He scolded himself.

Finally he was there, he ran through the doors and to the front desk. He didn't wait to catch his breath once he reached the receptionist.

"Sh-shouyo- Hi-Shou, Hinata Shouyou," he tripped over his own tongue breathing hard. The receptionist looked at him before typing his name.

"Are you family?" She asked, and Tobio knew she was doing her job but he didn't care.

"No, I'm his best friend."

"I'm sorry but I can't give you information reagarding this patient." He shut his eyes tightly trying not to snap at her.

"Please-"

"Tobio?" He looked to side to see Hinata's mom standing there with a sleeping Natsu in her arms.

"Hinata-san." He ran over to her. "I came here as fast as I could. What happened? How is he? Can I see him?" He shot out questions.

"Please take a seat, Tobio." He sat down. "I'm guessing you know what happened since you're here. He's fine, the doctors pumped his stomach and he's been asleep for most of , the day," she sniffled before continuing, "you can see him if you'd like, I'll take you to his room." They stood up and walked down the hall before entering a room. The soft noise of snores reached his ears accompanied by the heart monitor beeping.

"Do you think it would be okay for me to stay the night with him?" Kageyama asked hopefully. She nodded him giving him a small, sad smile before telling him that she would give him some alone time with her son. Kageyama carefully walked over to the bed and a small gasp escaped his lips. There was his partner, lying with an IV attatched to his arm and paler than the moon. Tears pooled around his eyes and he blinked them away rapidly before taking a seat by the bed.

"Boke, what happened?" He whispered. He grabbed Hinata's arm and kissed his knuckles. "Why would you do this?" He let a tear fall. "You're the brightest enigma there was and gave everybody light, so how could you do this to us, to me?" A sob broke free and many more followed after.

"Yama," he heard a mumble from the orange haired boy. He felt him move before Hinata opened his eyes.

"Shouyou!" Kageyama cried out.

"Bakayama what are you doing here?" The boy asked. His voice came out weak and a cough fit followed suit. Kageyama gave him a cup of water before he helped him sit up.

"What do you mean what am i doing here? I came because of what happened with you! Dammit boke, how could you do this?" Tears threatened to spill again before his quickly blinked them away. "What happened, Shouyou?" He whispered.

Hinata looked away shamefully. He never wanted his best friend to find out what was wrong with him. He wanted Kageyama to think of him as a spirit who couldn't be crushed, as one of the strongest people he knows. He never wanted to let his partner see him as fragile and weak. So he answered vaguely, "you know what happened, that's why you're here."

"Dammit Hinata! You know what I mean!" He snapped making the smaller flinch. "What was so bad that you had to go and do this and you couldn't even talk to me about?" His voice came out softer.

"Sit down, Tobio." And he did. "I suffer from MDD which is Major Depressive Disorder. You know what depression is, right?" He nods. "Well I have that and while some people have one episode of it, I've had it pretty much since I can remember. Some days are harder than other but I can always deal with it pretty well."

"You mean hide it."

"Yeah... Well it's gotten worse in the last couple of days and last night I guess it reached its peak and I broke." He said shamefully. He refused to look at Kageyama who was just staring at him. He didn't know what was going through his mind but he was scared.

"Why didn't you tell me, Shouyou?" He whispered. Hinata snapped his eyes to him confused. "I could have helped you. Maybe if I had listened and gone over to your house last night, maybe you wouldn't be here in the hospital bed with a needle in your arm." Hinata had never seen Kageyama cry, not even when they lost to Aoba Johsai. He reached his arms towards him and caressed his cheek lightly.

"I didn't want you to think of me as weak. I already know that you're better than me at everything and I didn't want to have you see me as a weak person who can't control his emotions." Hinata's eyes shone with unshed tears.

"I could never see you as weak, boke. You're the sun that everybody needs even when you're weathering a storm nobody kows about. You care about making people smile, laugh and better themselves when you're breaking on the inside." Tears were running down the dark haired boys face and he didn't bother wiping them away. This made Hinata cry too.

"I'm sorry, Kageyama."

"Call me Tobio, please." Kageyama laid down and stuffed his face into the crook of the smaller's neck. "I have to tell you something, Shouyou."

"What?"

"I-"

"SHOUYOU!" The door burst open and in walked Kenma followed by Kuroo, Bokuto, and the Karasuno team. Kenma had tears in his eyes and hugged the small spiker. Kageyama stepped to the side and let his friends check on their short friend. He watched from the sidelines as their teammates and friends told his other half how worried they were and how much they love and appreciate him. Shouyou told them what he had and they all seem surprised with the exception of Kenma who had known when he saw his small friend crying behind the gym.

"We'll come back tomorrow, Hinata!" Daichi said followed by a series of goodbyes 15 minutes later. Once the door closed behind Yamaguchi, the spiker let out a yawn.

"Go to sleep, Shouyou." Kageyama spoke quietly.

"I want to talk to you." Hinata yawned again and sent a soft smile at Kageyama. Sighing, he walked over to the bed and sat down on the chair. He began to play with Hinata's orange curls and smiled fondly at how cute his hair was. "What were you going to say earlier?" Kageyama's heart stuttered and he sat up stiffly. He had only realized on his way to the hospital that he had fallen in love with the spiker. He doesn't know when and he doesn't know how it happened but he's happy that it did. Kageyama stood up so he could climb into the bed with his crush.

"Tell me if I hurt you," he said as he laid down with him. A blush spread out on both their cheeks but they got comfortable anyways. "I realized something on the run to the hospital."

"You ran to the hospital?" He nodded. "Why?"

"I was too worried to wait for a ride. Anyways, as I was running I was remembering every moment I have ever spent with you to see what could have happened to make you do this because it had to be my fault somehow. And as I was remembering everything, I realized how big of a part you play in my life. And I just want to say that, I-I love you, Shouyou. I have for a while and it's okay if you don't feel the same way." A hand found its way to Tobio's chin making him look down at the boy he confessed his feelings to.

"It's about time. I love you, too Tobio." Kageyama's heart fluttered and he smiled fondly at his love.

"Please don't go through this alone, Hinata. I'm here for you and I always will be. You have no idea how scared I was that I had lost you. You're my best friend, my partner, my other half, and now you're my love. Please know that I will always be here for you and I will never see you as weak. When you can't shine as brightly as you usually do, I'll be your light." Tears began to run down his face again.

"I'm sorry, Tobio. I promise I'll try to let you in but it's going to be hard. It's going to be ugly for both of us, and you're going to be frustrated with me."

"I know and I'll be prepared for it as much as I can be. You're worth everything." He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to the ginger's lips. "But don't think that just because we're dating now that I'll treat you differently. I'm still gonna beat you at every challenge and tease you."

"I wouldn't have it any other way Bakageyama." Hinata sighed and closed his eyes. "I love you, Tobio."

"I love you, Shouyou," He kissed his temple and they fell asleep.

Whatever Shouyou's mental illness threw at him, Kageyama would do anything to help his partner. He knew it wasn't going to be easy like it was in movie that romanticized depression and he was ready for it. Nothing was going to take away the little human sleeping soundly in his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first fanfic and I wrote it in hopes that people realize that even the happiest people have their own battles. If I romanticized depression, I'm sorry but it wasn't my intention. I hope I portrayed this correctly for an outsiders POV. I included some things that happened to me when I'm having a depressive episode. Please enjoy.


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